Category Archives: Zzzz

Reset. Two Weeks Down. Restore.

Today is day 15. The first day of the third week. I do feel different. Inside. I feel quieter, more focused, less foggy.

I recalled an interesting dream from Tuesday morning. I woke up and immediately tried to recall it so I’d remember later. I’m a rather vivd dreamer, but I hadn’t recalled a dream in a few days.

I often mix locations and people together that don’t actually go together, and this was no different.

It was my apartment building from childhood. Huge lobby with one wide, shallow staircase, and two additional to the sides. There was some kind of government office in the basement with all sorts of neat military and historical memorabilia. To the left was a staircase that climbed many floors, made of stone, and there were books and water pitchers on each landing. The top floor was an intimate sort of bar with small tables and a large bar off to one corner with delicious liquor. The barteneders sounded Russian or Skandinavian and were very friendly.

With that, I’m off to my busy Thursday.

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Reset. Days 10 through 12. Reassess.

Today is my one year not smoking anniversary. There’s more to it, but that’s the bottom line. I’m proud of myself.

The weekend was good. I’ve found myself reflecting, assessing, reassessing. I drove in silence all week until yesterday, when I chose to play some favorite tunes while I ran errands (Q-Tip). I cleaned the heck out of my bathroom Sunday, at least 3 hours, in silence. Usually I listen to music or having something playing on my iPad, but I felt like it was distracting me from my thoughts. I was cleaning, so I just cleaned. And thought. And when I was driving, I drove. And thought. Even when I was cooking in the morning, I just cooked. And thought. It didn’t feel heavy or burdensome. I just thought. I also haven’t recalled my dreams as much this week. I didn’t realize that. Hmm, that might be interesting.

I had some mental food cravings here and there. I need to time my meals better, I think I’m waiting too long between meals. I wanted a glass of wine, I had herbal tea instead. I’m not going to pretend that my increased productivity is not due in some part to my non-drinking these 3 weeks. So there’s that. I think I’m going to have a good week. I just have a feeling.

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Reset. Days 5 and 6. Action and reaction.

Monday was day 5. I woke up feeling decent, went about my day and ate my meals. I needed to hit the post office because the medication I take is refilled via US Mail. It was pretty late in the afternoon when I picked it up, and I hadn’t yet taken it because I like to wait for the eleventh hour to order refills. I should have done one of two things: 1. Skip a day. This would have been acceptable, although I would have been very tired. You see, my medication is Provigil, for Narcolepsy. Not the fun, “Deuce Bigelow” type, rather the clinical diagnosis-jacked up sleep-crazy lucid dream-sometimes overwhelming need to nap-type. I could have skipped a day. 2. Take half. I think it was around 4 pm. I normally take it around noon, so I don’t become oh so tired before 1 am, when I normally get home from work. My neurologist loves that I work evenings. Taking half would have resulted in a slightly milder version of option 1. What I did instead was pop one, whole, in my mouth like a genius. It was reflex. If I could have regurgitated it, I promise you, it would have been in my hand. I knew I’d be up late, but I didn’t think much else of it. The night wore on, I forced myself to lay down around 3 am, and I fell asleep.

Day 6. I knew when I woke it wasn’t going to be a good day. My back was tweaky and I had a headache. Not like the headaches I’ve been whining about. Not a migraine. This was a burning sensation on the left side of my face. My first instinct was to drink a ton of water. I don’t have head meds here, due to the Reset, and because I don’t use them much. I haven’t had a migraine in years, so no good stuff, either. I prepared and ate breakfast after taking my morning supplements and med, and prepared lunch and dinner. I managed to eat my breakfast, which took longer to cook than I expected, got my things together, and headed to work. This is where things took a turn. Sitting in crawling traffic on the parkway, I could feel the pain and pressure increase. My left eye and nostril were both leaking. I lost my apetite. I also began to salivate, which is never a good sign. I made it to work without vomiting, I really don’t know how. My manager took a look at me and gave me the green light to turn around. Now I’ve been home for about 2 hours, and the pain is beginning to subside thanks to laying in the dark and a cuddly dog and cat. I laid still on my back, eyes closed with two pillows behind my head and shoulders and thought about the pain slowly draining from my head, down into my jaw, then into my chest and abdomen, and finally into my arms and legs, to my hands and feet, and through my fingers and toes. Try it sometime, it helps.

No lunch today. I couldn’t even imagine eating it. I did drink my Alkalinize, which I’m hoping will balance the ibuprofen I took at work (this was seriously a 9 out of 10). I think I’m ready to take my evening supplements and attempt dinner. Everything’s ready to go and I don’t have to heat much.

The feeling reminded me of a terrible hangover headache. The kind that can only be remedied with sleep, purging, or a combination. I can only think it was from taking my whole dose. It was worse than the caffeine headaches, and different. This was no dull ache. The fire of the inferno, in my eyeball and temple. I was taking my med like I normally do the other days, so I’m hoping it was an isolated event, because holy shit, that sucked. I don’t know why I had that reaction, this is a medication I’ve been taking for 6+ years. I have a hunch that cleaning the pipes is making me more sensitive to such things. I’ll be more careful with myself going forward. Promise.

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Not a napper.

I’ve never been much of a napper, which is unfortunate, because I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy in 2004, and naps allegedly help alleviate the “overwhelming sleepiness” I regularly feel. I do not have severe cataplexy. I don’t lose muscle tone and fall to the ground. My experience is far more mundane. I’m almost always just a little tired, and sometimes I’m so tired I can barely speak. My sleep is erratic, varying from four hours to eleven. In my experience, the most common misconception about Narcolepsy is that it consists of the waking symptoms, but that is only the expression of the disorder. The magic really happens when my eyes are closed. The activity that occurs (and doesn’t occur) when I’m sleeping is pretty fascinating. It’s no wonder I’m falling asleep all over the place. I was clinically diagnosed through a polysomnogram and Multiple Sleep Latency Test. It took a year of wrong guesses. I still don’t have total confidence that my “issue” is Narcolepsy. I ran the gamut from depression to lupus before a doctor to whom I’m extremely grateful suggested apnea. That was a wrong guess also but it led me to sleep disorders. At risk of sounding like a research paper I’m going to pause here, but sleep is definitely my kryptonite. Not to mention I get super cranky when I haven’t had enough. I’ll take that over dozing at traffic lights.

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